The Story of College Admissions

The process before, after and of getting admissions can be a nightmare…

Long forgotten kinship bonds are revived, Oodles of Tata salt to be sprinkled on the still fresh wounds are bought, Oohs and Aahs are thrown in for good measure, and changing your contact number is a thought that fleets through your mind every five minutes.

Many students writing in a classroom

In a travesty where only a few come out unscathed, here are a few tips for the survival of the fittest:

1. Switch off that God-damned phone

The sound of the phone ringing instills a fear akin to the one manifested by the horror flick ”The Ring.”

For the whole of the next month, the phone will keep ringing off the hook, so we suggest you either block all their numbers, or even better switch off the phone before you are bugged to the extent of flinging it out of the window.

And, if you are feeling particularly adventurous, maybe you could divert your calls… to a hooker perhaps?

2. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT post your percentage on facebook

My friend, this is a trap that will lead you to the land of remorse, regrets and serious suicidal tendencies. When Mark Zuckerburg had his Eureka moment, he had absolutely no clue that his social networking site would turn into a ‘marks’ broadcasting system.

3. Learn aggressive C.I.A. Counter Combat

Before your mind wanders too far, we meant the above figuratively.

Try slyly steering the conversation towards their marks misery. And, if they still don’t relent, swear on the pantheon of 36,000 deities, that you will mete out the same treatment to their kids. A little sadism never really hurt anybody, or maybe it did.

4. Send them the URL of Pharell William’s ‘Happy’

Believe me; everyone needs some JOY and happiness in their lives. Gone are the days when distributing laddoos would work. Thanks to a few Harvard dropouts, our happiness is now contingent on the virtual content we post. Because I’am HAPPY!

5. Start a congregation of relatives turned career counselors

With the boom in this species, and the fact that every generation of the family has to go through this agnipareeksha before waging the more pivotal battles of life (read admissions), it is imperative that this congress of pseudo-intellectuals be institutionalized. Please do the honours, sir!

6. Master the art of ‘hanji’

Five letters. Two syllables. And a whole lot of recurrence. This word has the potential to get you out of sticky situations. Imitate the parrot, and your life is sorted, at least for now.

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